I was at a safety training for handling emergencies in school districts, and one technique they taught us for processing information and making decisions in stressful, chaotic moments can be summarized as the rule of 5s. When you are surrounded by chaos and need to regain order, you must have a systematic way to process everything happening around you. When you try to process everything at once, you end up processing nothing. But when you start with the simplest and closest things, you can build outward. Let me explain.

The rule of 5s begins with the smallest circle:
Start with 5 inches. In chaos—meaning no order, no structure, no clear next step—you start with a five-inch radius around you. Literally you. In this first layer, you assess yourself: Am I injured? Can I control my breathing? What tools or assets do I have right now? What can I actually do in this moment? In a car wreck, for example, you start with you then work outward.

Next is 5 feet around you. What’s in your immediate proximity? Is there something you need to get away from? Like leaking gasoline in a car wreck. Something you need to take cover behind? Is there a phone or radio nearby? Is there a threat? Is someone close to you needing help?

Then it expands to 5 yards. Same questions: threats, others in need, assets, fire exits, AEDs. Then go to 15 yards, and then 25 yards and onward. 

Each layer depends on the one before it. You start with where you are, then systematically work outward. If nothing else, this is a helpful framework for emergencies—but it’s also an analogy for our lives.

The Rule of 5s in Life 

When life becomes chaotic—divorce, family dysfunction, losing a job, depression, anxiety, frustration with circumstances—we need order. And the rule of 5s helps us build it.

You start with you. Not in a selfish way, but in an honest assessment of yourself and the sphere of influence you control the most. This isn't the cheesy “fill your cup first” idea. It’s the blunt truth: get your life in order before you start blaming or criticizing others. Sharpen the axe before you swing at the tree. If God places a purpose driven opportunity in front of you, you need to be ready for it. You have to start with you first.

5 inches- So start with you. Here’s what I check for: Am I eating well? Exercising? Sleeping? What am I consuming intellectually—the Word, books, podcasts, or am I doom-scrolling social media?  Am I praying or meditating? Am I writing or journaling? Your foundation will look different from mine, but it’s your responsibility to know yourself and to operate at your best.

My next “5”- My next sphere of influence or layer of order, is my immediate family—my wife and kids. Am I present with them? Am I having meaningful conversations, supporting them, serving them? Am I fighting for their success as much as my own? And importantly, am I living out what I expect from them? I can’t tell my wife not to doom-scroll if I’m on my phone more than she is. I can’t tell my kids it’s important to read the Bible if I’m not modeling it myself.

The next 5 or next sphere: extended family, close friends, colleagues. I’ve learned that if my home is not in order, my work suffers. Friendships suffer. My ability to lead suffers. I can’t be fully present in this sphere if myself and my home aren’t stable.

The last “5” is everything beyond that—hobbies, passions, side hustles, projects. These are all dependent on the previous layers. You shouldn’t be working on your golf swing if your home is falling apart. You shouldn’t start a business if you’re failing at your current job.

This is where things can get especially damaging if we lack order. Scripture teaches that we must first address our own sinful nature, pursue wisdom, and practice self-control before addressing others (Matthew 7:3–5; John 8:7; Proverbs 4:7; 2 Timothy 1:7; Galatians 5:22–23). The Bible repeatedly warns against hypocrisy and calls us to examine ourselves first.

However, there’s an important distinction here: while we must start with ourselves, Scripture also commands us to lovingly address sin in others (Galatians 6:1), to lead our families (Ephesians 5:25; Ephesians 6:4), to live in unity with other believers (John 13:34–35), and to reach the lost (Matthew 28:19). There is a logical, biblical order to these responsibilities—starting inward and moving outward, just like the rule of 5s.

One of the most damaging influences in society is when Christians become hypocritical or judgmental. Jesus was crucified, in part, because of the religious, legalistic Pharisees of His day. He spent much of His ministry correcting their hypocrisy and calling them to examine their own hearts first.

Yet Jesus also commands us to go outward—to our spouses, to our children, to our brothers and sisters in Christ, to our neighbors, and then to the world. There is an ordered progression, and it begins with the “first 5”.

And for clarity: I fully understand that our works do not save us—that is Christ alone, through the cross. But true salvation produces transformation. When we experience that kind of grace, the Holy Spirit produces fruit in us (Galatians 5:22–23) and equips us and gives us courage to act in faith. Our lives should grow from the inside out—5 inches, then 5 feet, then further.

I also want to add that we cant wait to be perfect to act outwardly as well. There is an element of discernment when acting outwardly but also courage. If you truly approach others with love, honesty of yourself, and knowledge of the Word, I believe you can start expanding your sphere of influence. When your intent isn't in love and you're not acting with discernment and fidelity then you can cause more damage than you realize. We also cant wait for every sphere to be perfect either. If you see a need you can fill in any sphere then think you should try but just use discernment in all cases.

Also…. It may be a slow process. For me, it took nearly a decade of following Jesus before I felt like my own “5 inches” were in order enough to reach into the next spheres. Maybe I didn't have enough courage, maybe I didn't pursue wisdom like I should have been but others may have a much stronger and stable foundation than myself and can start outwardly quicker. 

But be cautious, because If we reach too far, too fast—beyond the sphere we’re prepared for—we can cause harm even with good intentions. But with discernment and courage, we can faithfully take the next step outward.

Matthew 7:3–5
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

John 8:7
Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.

Proverbs 4:7
The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

2 Timothy 1:7
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Galatians 5:22–23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 6:1
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

John 13:34–35
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Matthew 28:19
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.