Articulate the Why-
We often use our feelings or emotions as accepted circumstances of our life. So when we feel sad we just think we deserve or should be sad. When we feel depressed we assume that we are just supposed to feel that way. When we are angry we assume that we should be angry.
The quickest way to take ownership of those emotions is to ask “why am I choosing this emotion?” This quick question does several things. It lets you look at your current emotional status in a way that allows you to begin to analyze and change it if needed. Ie. you choose the emotion. It is the first step to empower us to change our emotion. It also removes you from the “weeds” so you can see some of the bigger factors of what is going on.
Before I go further, I want to add that some emotions are legitimate and do not need this process. For example, losing a loved one warrants sadness and grieving. But often we find a lot of negative emotions like anger, resentment, jealousy, or apathy in our daily lives that can be adjusted if we actively start asking why and changing our perspective and perception of the situation.
Once we see and identify a problem we can begin to solve it. This is using logic and reason to solve problems but when it comes to emotions we often forget this, or at least I know that I do.
So ask “why?” Why do I feel this way, why am I choosing this emotion. If you merely accept the emotions you lack the ability to change. Once you notice and articulate the why you can then begin to work on it.
If we are feeling sad, depressed, or apathetic and after we start looking into this we can begin diagnosing the problem. If we don't really have a reason we can explain or articulate why then we can begin with the things that are in our control.
For example, focusing on health and relationships. The problem could be a result of not taking care of ourselves. Sleep, diet, exercise, limiting screentime and focusing on things that fulfill us like relationships and meaningful work like serving others. If we are doing all of these things and still feel this way then we take the next step of seeking medical help or counseling.
We can also control our focus. If we are consonantly focusing on the negatives or what we are lacking then we will stay in a negative headspace. But we have the power to shift our focus. You can not be grateful and resentful at the same time. You cannot be grateful and jealous at the same time. So just by shifting your focus on what you have and the good in life can do so much. There will always be negative things you can focus on, there will be times we have to deal with unpleasant things, but we don't have to accept those emotions in the long term.
You typically have two options, if you have these horrible negative emotions because of an issue you have control over then take control of the issue. If you don't have control of the issue then take control of your focus and emotions on the issues. It may be difficult but the alternative is to suffer in the negative headspace we have created. I don't want to minimize real traumatic situations that people endure that have real effects on our mental health. I am not addressing these types of issues that I don't have any real experience or expertise in. I am more addressing the day to day issues that we have more control over.
For instance, if I am angry because someone cut me off driving to work and made me spill coffee on my shirt, yes that is frustrating but I get to choose my emotional response and how long I feel that way. In these situations, we could let it ruin our day or we can just be mad in the moment and move on. We could even laugh it off and say a quick prayer for that person hoping everything is ok and move on. The choice is always ours.
If you are resenting or hating someone for wronging you over a situation that happened years ago, you are harboring this emotion when the other person has moved on. There is an old saying that hating or resenting someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick. You get to choose how you feel and perceive that event that happened years ago.
I know this seems way too simple but it actually is. It is simple but very difficult to apply. I still struggle with this often. But starting to take control of your emotions in small situations helps. Do this as much as you can then you can begin to work on the bigger more complex emotions and difficulties.
Use those negative emotions as an indicator to start addressing things with intentionality and reason. It is just as acceptable to use the good emotions like joy and peace. Take a quick note and replicate that more in the future.
You have a lot of control over your emotions. More than you probably think. Think about those people in your life that are negative and pessimistic. Think about those who are always positive and optimistic. There are enough people in the world that we could easily look at people that are in identical situations but some are miserable and some are truly happy.
The difference is how we choose to focus on and how we take ownership of our thoughts and emotions.
A Biblical Perspective
The Bible is about God and humans. Humans are very emotional so the Bible has so much information about our emotional response to the world and God. It's no wonder why it's written about so heavily.
The Bible shows Jesus weeping, it specifically mentions being “slow to anger” it says things like consider all trials “Joyful” It specifically mentions loving and forgiving others. It states “do not be anxious” The Book of Psalms is full of hyperemotional prayers largely written by King David. One Psalm seems like the same guy on an emotional high who just slayed Goliath then the next will be him in tears feeling like God has forsaken him.
On top of the personal stories listed above it even states the humans inability to truly understand and use emotion. Jeremiah 17:9 states that “the heart is deceitful above all things, who can trust it?”
This tells us that our emotions, or heart, can easily deceive us. All emotions aren't necessarily wrong or evil, there is a purpose for them. It's another intentional and magnificent aspect of creation. However, the enemy can use it against us as well.. Think about all of the horrible, ungodly things are done because of hate, jealousy, and resentment. This is why it's important to know and understand them and to ask “Why”... why am I feeling this way.
I see emotions as an alarm/indicator and an amplifier. It can amplify the great things in life but it can also tell us that something is out of line and we need to look at and adjust what we are doing.
If we are experiencing these negative emotions, fear, anxiety, depression, resentment etc. I would wager that we are trusting ourselves, or the world instead of trusting the Word of God. When we rely on our emotions to dictate purpose in life then we are drastically missing the point. However, it can be a great thing to drive us back to God. When we start having strong emotions it can either drive us to God or away from God.
This is the distinction between conviction and condemnation. Conviction is the emotional indicator or response that can lead us back to God. Condemnation is the emotional response that drives us away.
For example, If I am fearing the outcome of a job interview or diagnoses, I can either live in that anxiety or get back into the Word of God. Here is an easy verse to rest in "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28
So when it comes to the unknown outcome, I can rest in His Word or I can rest in my fear of the unknown outcome. This can convict me to trust Him or condemn me where I begin to believe lies about me and the world. The enemy wants to kill, steal and destroy us and our peace. (John 10:10) So we need to stand firm and be on guard in these situations.
Like I stated earlier, it's simple to understand but hard to apply. But this is where faith comes into play. How much faith do you have in God and what is faith?
Faith is choosing to trust God through His word. It's a decision, not a warm fuzzy feeling. And it doesn't take much. Jesus tells us it takes the faith of a mustard seed to move mountains and make anything possible. The thing about a seed is that it grows. So it starts small but as you keep exercising and focusing on it, it begins to grow.
So when we have these emotions and ask ‘Why” It can be summarized into trusting God or not trusting God.
Here is how I interpret the emotions in terms of faith in God.
Anxiety- I am fearing an unknown outcome instead of having faith God will work it out for my good.
Depression- I am focused on the past or present without hope or accepting that I have been redeemed or saved because of Christ.
Resentment- I am hating someone else and not forgiving them. I am holding on to some selfish desire instead of trusting that God designed us to forgive.
Anger- There is righteous anger however I am often quick to anger and angry for human selfish reasons. We should be angry when we see God’s Kingdom and creation are being wronged and abused. I am not saying to act in anger…. Being quick to anger ofter leads to sinful out comes.
Grief- Life is precious, relationships are gifts. It hurts to lose people we love. I need to know that even Jesus wept when he lost a loved one. But I can rejoice that this isn't the end. Just the end of the physical side of life on Earth.
Shame/guilt- these are indicators that God gave me a conscience to align our will to his. It lets us know we missed the mark, it lets us know we still have the opportunity to get back on track and seek God.
Hopelessness- I have forgotten what God has said about me and my purpose in life. I have forgotten his promises. I have forgotten the Jesus defeated death on my behalf. In Christ I cannot lose.
Jealous/Envy- I am not grateful for what I have. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 Rejoice always. Always means ALWAYS. I cannot be grateful and jealous at the same time.
God doesn't want us to be miserable. God has kept every promise he has ever made. He is faithful. His words are true. Trust and rely on Him and our lives are fulfilled in purpose. Life will get hard and there are unpleasant emotions. But God tells us to take every thought captive and turn it to Jesus. Some are easy to do that with and some are not. The ones that aren't easy and create these negative emotions are precisely the ones most needed to take captive and make it obedient to Christ and his word.
I will close with this book recommendation that discusses this topic in depth. Winning the War in Your Mind: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life- by Craig Groeschel. I highly recommend it.
See ya next week,
Cam
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