It’s all internal
If two people finish running a marathon and one finishes in first and the other finishes last, who is more excited and feels good about the race? Most would assume the first place finisher but this is a trick question because there is no way of knowing. The last-place finisher should be so ecstatic for finishing their first marathon or could have overcome some type of illness or disability and just finishing was the greatest rush ever. The first place finisher could be upset because they didn't break their personal record or have good enough competition to push them.
It's interesting to me because there are so many people in the world in similar circumstances yet have such different feelings about themselves and their circumstances. There is science (that is way above my head) that explains this there is a biblical concept (also over my head) that ties directly this as well.
Andrew Huberman, famous neuroscientist and podcaster, states all of the emotion in success and failure is internal. He states that the good feeling or energy that we have after achieving something slightly out of our norm releases dopamine that is converted over into epinephrine.
Huberman discussing this topic.
In life, we have so many situations that could genuinely make us feel good like finishing the race. Going to a job that supports you in you family, coming home and being grateful to have a home, kids that run up to you, enough food for the whole family to eat, a nice bed to sleep in. All of these things gave us that rush at one point in our life. Accepting the job, marrying the spouse, having the kids, a good meal, a nice bed.
But then somehow, like the law of diminishing returns, I can be bitter and ungrateful for it all and not even realize when it went that way. Somewhere along the way I mentally moved the goal posts of what I think is deserving of a feel good dopamine rush. No one else moved them and no one else drips the chemicals in my brain
There are a few thoughts that come time mind on this topic.
Don't lose gratitude for what we have. It is so easy to get in the vehicle we were once giddy to drive off the lot to the job we prayed we would get to drive home to the person who used to give us butterflies in our stomach. Ive mentioned this before but daily journaling helps combat this. Journal daily- start with things you are grateful for then go into things you're working towards.
Always keep growing- The idea of always seeking, growing, and reaching for things that are just out of each allows us to keep mainlining dopamine if we can put systems into place to achieve said things. In short, keep growing. In your marriage, in your job, personally. The simple example is physical fitness. Start with walking for a few minutes, then an hour, then jog some, then run your first 5k, then 10 k and so on. It's a rush every time you progress.
Expectations: Tony Robbins is known for saying that having expectations leads to misery. In the example of the marathon runner who finished first. If he was expecting to set a personal record and didn't achieve it, instead of feeling good for a first place finish he then feels bad. I am not 100% on board stating that expectations are always bad but unrealistic expectations of things always working out, or staying the same, or will always turn out good and can lead to a lot of unmet expectations. The opposite is true too. Always expecting negative outcomes can lead to apathy.
I think you should have expectations for things that are completely in your control and not have expectations for outcomes that aret in your control. For example, I will train for the marathon for 3 days a week for 6 months then run the race and do the best I can. If I expect to place, finish, or set a PR then I am already setting myself up for a let down. I can let the outcome be the outcome then adjust the system later. No one is forced to feel great or horrible about the outcome. It's up to you.
Tony Robbins on expectations.
In short, be grateful, grow, use discernment when setting goals and don't be concerned with the outcome. These few ideas can mitigate misery and maximize the rush and feel good drug your brain releases.
A Biblical Perspective
The Biblical example that parallels this concept is all about what people have been wrestling with forever. What should I do and what should’nt I do when it comes to God? This is a very complex topic that could take a lot of words to explain but it's actually a simple answer.
It's all internal. It's all about your heart when you do or don't do it for the sake of divine purpose. (obeying/pleasing God.)
For example, if one person donates a large sum of money to a church and another donates two pennies, who finds favor in God’s eyes? Well we actually have a specific example of this in the Gospels.
Matthew 12:41-43
41 Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. 42 But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. 43 Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44 They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”
So her heart was “all-in” for God while the others, although they gave more, their hearts weren't all in.
Another example would be murder and adultery. It is obvious that murder is bad. So the law states “do not Murder” but Jesus said it does not make one holy or righteous just for not murdering. It’s about our heart.
Matthew 5: 21-22, 27-28
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment……. 27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
So just not breaking the law doesn't make someone Holy. The same hypocrisy in the church that frustrates you today is just as evident as it was back then.
There are so many examples where the really religious hypocrites tried to catch Jesus breaking laws so Jesus often talked about this topic. These religious groups called the Pharisees and Sadducees using their religious position for power and pride at the time and enforced legalism.
(Legalism is the strict, literal, and often excessive adherence to established laws, rules, or moral codes, prioritizing the letter of the law over its spirit.
This is still very prevalent today in religions and society. However, there is an old saying that for ever mile of road there are two miles of ditch. When it comes to faith. One ditch you can easily fall into is legalism following rules and laws for the sake of following rules and laws. The other ditch is lawlessness. Meaning you don't care about keeping any laws or rules because you said some words about Jesus or think all roads lead to heaven. Both ditches are very dangerous to be in.
God already knows your heart. Following laws for the wrong reasons is not pleasing to the Lord. Also, completely ignoring all laws isn't pleasing Him either.
The bottom line is about your heart. He wants the relationship, He wants you. He desires what is best for you and that happens to be following and seeking Him.
Jesus specifically states what is most important.
Matthew 22:36-40
36“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
These two commandments will keep you out of ditches. Truly loving and seeking the lord and truly loving your neighbors will keep you on asphalt. This is internal from the heart. So whatever you do or don't do, if it’s out of love for God and others, will be pleasing to Him. This is in relation of seeking wisdom and discernment as well.
As humans we will always struggle with discerning what we should do and shouldn't do. Even in Christ where we are saved by grace through faith alone, our debt has been paid in full, and our works are considered filthy rags anyway, we sill get caught up in this.
In short, our hearts can pour out with love and works for others. Or it can do things for selfish reasoning and bad intent. The transformation of our heart happens when we seek Him. When we seek to please ourselves we cant always trust our actions. See Jeremiah 17:9.
Sorry this one was a bit longer and disorganized. Until next time,
Cam
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