When it comes to the big decisions in our life, we seem to decide on the unknowns more than the knowns. With each decision we contemplate risk and reward, pros and cons, but what about knowns vs. unknowns?

The only known outcome when it comes to a decision that is on your heart, mind, and soul is regret for not doing it. The regret of not making a decision or opting out often hurts worse than making the decision and it not working out.

The fear outweighs the failure. The concept of trying and failing is actually tangible evidence of courage and an opportunity for wisdom. Regret typically shows a lack of courage or faith when it comes to inaction. When we regret an action, then we likely acted without knowledge or discernment.

If you are contemplating that bucket list adventure, that surprise trip with your kids, that business idea, that invitation, that job opportunity, that relationship, or reigniting a long-lost passion, the only guarantee is that regret will follow inaction.

Please note that decision-making has to be accompanied by knowledge and discernment. There are times when certain doors just are not open, and forcing them will lead to much needless suffering.

There are a few major types of regret.

Regret of inaction – Knowing you missed out on some of life’s great opportunities due to fear or indecision. You look back and know you may not have that opportunity ever again.

Regret of action – You took action and it ended up hurting someone, yourself, or others because of a lack of knowledge or discernment.

Avoidable regret – Right now there is a way to reverse or mitigate future regret. The next best step to remove the pain of regret is to right the wrongs you have done. If you have missed the mark by taking action and unintentionally hurting someone, it is okay to call them up and let them know. It is okay to offer yourself some forgiveness for messing up, as long as you learn from it. It is a lesson to improve from.

If you have regret for not taking action, then you know that pain and can avoid it in the future. The times you have regretted not making a phone call to a friend to check on them, or calling a parent or grandparent, you can do that right now after reading this. The times you regret wasting a day scrolling or watching TV all evening instead of doing something fun and intentional with your spouse or kids, you can fix that tonight.

Some doors are still open to mitigate future regret.

Some doors have closed, but you can still use that fuel to better discern future opportunities. Start viewing it as a lesson instead of a condemning mistake, and it lessens the intensity of the regret.

That topic weighs heavily on me. My past regrets weigh on me, and my fear of failure and unknowns has created so many regrets.

Just to name a few:

Actions I have regretted – I have regretted hurting people and speaking hurtful things to others because of my pride and insecurities. I have regretted taking positions and seeking opportunities for the wrong reasons. I have lashed out at others because of my frustrations with myself. I have doomscrolled in front of my daughters when they are saying, “Daddy, play with me” or “Dad, watch me.” I have spoken unkindly to my wife in arguments. I have had little patience with those who came to me hurting and needing guidance. The list goes on and on.

Inaction I have regretted – I have missed out on mission trips due to fear. I have said no to bucket list trips. I have not picked up the phone and have lost loved ones. I have not stood up for others when I should have. I have missed opportunities to be obedient to God because of fear and misaligned priorities. The list goes on and on.

In short, the most important aspect of regret is learning from it, anticipating it, and then living intentionally. I do not think anyone can ever live a life without any regret because it is a part of an intentional and reflective life.

There are a few verses that come to mind, but most of my thoughts on regret when it comes to faith can be summarized into three points.

I have never regretted drawing closer to God. From the moment I called out to God and said I want to follow Him 13 years ago to today as I am writing this. From big, major moves toward Him to small, subtle habits and actions like praying, fasting, and practicing the Sabbath.

I have always regretted the times I chose not to be obedient to Him. From very obvious opportunities like missing out on mission trips or saying no to Bible studies, to very small, subtle justifications. Not praying because I am in public. Not having a real conversation with others. Not forgiving someone. And many, many more.

Regret has typically condemned me. By condemn, I mean pointing out something I am wrong for and creating an emotional guilt that drives me away from God. I have tried to shift my regret toward conviction, which is an emotional response that drives me toward God.

So if I regret inaction, then I will pray for the courage to take that action in the future, wisdom to recognize it, and discipline to do it even if I do not want to.

If I regret action, like any given sin that either hurt me or others, I can thank God that my salvation does not rely on my actions. I serve a God who loves me anyway, and I pray once again for courage, wisdom, and discipline.

Here are a few verses and thoughts to rest in.

First, it is important to understand that God does not need us to do anything for Him. His existence and glory transcend any action or inaction we could ever imagine. Second, we do not do or fail to do anything that can save us. It is by grace through faith alone. Third, obeying God’s will for us allows us to play a small part in advancing His kingdom in a broken world while we are here. It is an opportunity for us to draw closer to Him.

Romans 8:1 (NIV)
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
If you are in Christ, there is no action that can truly separate you from Him. There is conviction, which is a great emotional indication that you are missing the mark. That should draw you to Him.

Romans 8:28 (NIV)
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
God has shown throughout the Bible that He uses those who are faithful yet still mess up either with action or inaction. From Abraham to Jesus disciples and so on. Its not surprising God and His will goes on with or without your action or inaction. 

John 3:16-17

 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

The only regret that matters comes down to the ultimate choice we have. To follow God as our Lord or not. The encouraging part is that it states “whoever” There is no limitation to who can follow Him. All He asks is to believe. The ultimate depiction of this is the criminal that was crucified next to Jesus. He was 100% guilty and deserved his death. But he recognized Jesus as Lord, he believed that Jesus is who He says he is and just asked Jesus to remember him. Then Jesus said “Truly, I tell you that you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23 The criminal on the other side mocked him…

Have a great week,

Cam