Simple Discipline
I get to talk to high school students a lot about discipline and making the right choices. As an assistant principal, I typically intervene after the issue occurs and have to apply the consequences. I almost always have conversations with the students to figure out the real causes of the issues and hope to give them tangible strategies they can use going forward.
Sometimes I explain things as simply as possible in hopes that the student will get a better understanding. I was working with one student who had frequent discipline issues, and I was able to discuss self control and discipline with him. I came up with the most simple definition of discipline that I could.
“Do what you're supposed to do. Do not do what you're not supposed to do.” I was referencing doing his work in class, not causing disruptions, etc.
But then I realized a couple of things. This is just as applicable to my life right now as it is to his life in the classroom. It is often easy to know what you should do, yet there is a frustrating inability to do it. There are many things we know we should not do, yet we do them anyway.
I thought over my life and realized that living by this could have saved a lot of avoidable suffering and misery. Knowing what to do is often not the difficult part. It is the follow through.
I know I should be intentional with my time, take care of my health, care for my relationships, know how I should treat people, and understand my responsibilities. I know I should not consume certain things, doom scroll, stay up late, etc.
But how often is our suffering, relatively speaking in the advanced Western world version of suffering, avoidable? Most of the time, we can say, that was awful to endure, I knew I should have or should not have done something to avoid that.
There are a few strategies that can help with this in life:
Write down your goals and ambitions. Before you make decisions, ask yourself, does this advance me toward my goals or impede my progress? Physically writing them down and displaying them will help.
Use to do lists and checklists. Writing down actionable steps increases the likelihood of doing them.
Have an accountability partner. Having someone you trust with common goals helps you hold each other accountable for what you do and do not do.
Micro disciplines. I have referenced this book before, but Atomic Habits by James Clear discusses the science of small habit formations that lead to big changes in life.
Trust your gut or intuition. If it feels wrong or like you should not do it, you are probably correct.
There are limitations to our abilities and willpower. This is where a biblical perspective can help us.
A Biblical Perspective
The Bible mentions self control and its related concepts such as discipline, moderation, and restraint over 170 times, emphasizing it as a fruit of the Holy Spirit and a vital aspect of a godly life. It is portrayed as a necessary, God given virtue for overcoming temptation, managing emotions, and maintaining spiritual discipline.
Before going further, it is important to mention that sin or behavior management is not the purpose of our relationship with God. It should be a byproduct of the relationship. Our purpose is to receive salvation through Jesus Christ. See 1 Thessalonians 5:9. However, after we completely change our trajectory into eternity and taste and see the grace and mercy of God, our behaviors and actions should look different and begin to change. When we begin to imitate and pursue Jesus, we begin to act more like Him. This is the sanctification process.
There are several verses and concepts that come to mind on this matter of self control. Self control is known as one of the fruits of the Spirit working in us. See Galatians 5:22. This is exactly like it sounds and easier said than done. Even Paul, who is probably on the Mount Rushmore of men who wanted to live for Jesus, wrote:
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15
This signifies that knowing what to do is not the problem. He later wrote that it is actually the sin in us that drives us to do the wrong things and not the right things. This goes much deeper into the theology of being born into sin, but to keep it simple, here are a few concepts to consider:
All humans battle this. It is the sin in us. Left unchecked, it will kill, steal, and destroy us and those around us. See John 10:10.
Accepting and understanding what we cannot do glorifies Jesus in the fact that He did. It also signifies that even though He was fully human, He was also fully God. If every human to walk the earth struggles with this except one, it is reasonable to consider that the one is truly different than the others. See Isaiah 53. This was written 700 years before Jesus was born and prophesied exactly who He was in His nature in comparison to ours and why we have a desperate need for Him.
There is no condemnation in Christ. Even though we will always struggle with self control, there is no condemnation for this in Christ Jesus. See Romans 8:1. Yes, there will be an emotional tie when we miss the mark, but it should not condemn us or separate us from God. It should convict us and pull us closer to God. It is that much more of an indication of our need for Him.
The odds are stacked against you. Society, and us being social creatures, wants us to do what others are doing. Most of the time it is not good. Think of all the times you have been peer pressured. You have an enemy that does not fight fair. He wants to kill, steal, and destroy you, your hope, and your eternity. Once again, see John 10:10.
You cannot fully trust your thoughts and emotions. The Bible tells us that we need to take captive every thought and turn it to Jesus. See 2 Corinthians 10:5. The Bible also tells us that we cannot trust our heart or emotions. It actually states that our heart is deceitful above all things. See Jeremiah 17:9. So intrusive thoughts and difficult feelings toward yourself and others are a given. Do not feel unique in that.
So I say all this to encourage you to think about what you can control and pray for wisdom and more self control for those things you cannot. Do this and start the micro disciplines of reading and praying daily. It is the Spirit in us that sanctifies us and changes us. We know what we can do and the limitations of our own will power. We can create daily and weekly rhythms that deepen our reliance on and relationship with Jesus.
I will close with the good news. Regardless of our self control, we are still in Christ and seen as holy through Him. Our eternity is taken care of. Also, when it comes to our abilities, we can remember that in Christ all things are possible because He strengthens us. See Philippians 4:13.
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